Happy Birthday Carter!

I have this cool picture frame at work from Artifact Uprising that holds 12 pictures.  Each morning when I come to work I move the picture from the day before to the back of the stack to reveal a new picture.  How fitting that our first family picture taken shortly after you were born is the picture of the day you were born.  

This was hands down the happiest and proudest moment of my life.  You made me feel stronger, more important, and more loved than anyone else had ever made me feel in a matter of seconds.  And I never knew how much love I had in my heart until I held you for the first time and the you looked at me like you had known me and loved me for a lifetime.  Powerful stuff.  

I remember where I was this exact moment 365 days ago.  I was still pregnant on my way to the hospital.  I had been feeling mild menstrual cramping and thought you would be coming in the next few days because, let's be real, latent labor can last for days and the first baby is on average 10 days late.  But no I was 4 cm, really feeling the strength of the contractions at this point, and off to the hospital I went.  And a few hours later you made your fast and furious appearance.  And not to brag, but my doctor did tell me how amazing I was.  Ok I had to brag a little...

This last year has been amazing.  You have grown so much.  You continue to be sweet and curious and make everyone around you crack up with your belly laughs.  You are starting to take "baby steps", walk run with assistance, and can stand on your own.  You say dada, mama, baba (bottle), hi, bye, and I'm convinced something along the lines of "I ruv youuu."  You blow kisses, wave, high five, and give hugs.  Probably my most favorite thing you do is stare at strangers and as soon as they look your way give the biggest, two bottom toothed grin and wave hello.  Clearly I'm going to have to start giving you the stranger danger talk! 

I've also grown so much this last year.  You've taught me unconditional love, patience, and made me reevaluate what is important in this life.  I'm at such a good place and I have you to thank for it.  Thank you for inadvertently making me better and I will continue to try to achieve my best potential for you.  

While I wish I could have stayed home with you I know you are at daycare having a blast with the other little swaddlers.  I'm sure right now you are either playing outside "weather permitting", having another snack, or getting into shenanigans.   I hope you have an amazing, fun filled day and can't wait to celebrate you tonight. You are the best son already. I love you forever and wish you endless joy and happiness. 

Happy 1st Birthday Carter!  I love you!

Mondays

Last week I did not eat as healthy as I would like, so of course I didn’t see the results that I would like to see.  I weighed myself this morning and I am back to the exact weight that I started out at. Funnnn....

I can fully admit that I have an unhealthy relationship with food, and my body for that matter, but both have gotten far better than they once were.  I'm a work in progress and that's ok.

Reflecting back on last week, but especially yesterday I see that I have a very hard time with mindful eating. I eat too fast, which is one problem. How do you enjoy what you are consuming when you are shoveling food into your mouth?  But I also don’t stop when I’m full. That is the goal I want to work on this week, mindfulness.  Stopping when I’m full and allowing my body to tell me it’s needs. It’s so funny to watch my son start to eat solids. He takes bite after bite after bite in no rush. And hear I am looking at my 9 month old and wanting to be more like him.  Someone who is less in her head and more mindful and aware in the moment.  Thank you for the lesson my son.

I like Mondays.  They are my acknowledgement of a new week and a chance for self improvement. I could easily beat myself up for the things I did "wrong."  We all have a choice.  You can maintain negativity, self doubt,and self criticism.  Or you can approach everything from the perspective of a learning experience on your path to self growth and discovery while practice positivity.  I choose the later.

Weekly Goals:

• To workout every day at work during lunch
• To take my time to eat
• To work on being mindful
• To be more present in the moment

Happy Baby

I'm going to make this short and sweet, trust your gut.  Something told me that my milk supply was not the root of Carter's initial insufficient weight gain.  He was displaying a number of different symptoms of infant reflux so I went back to the pediatrician to get him reevaluated.  And boy am I glad I did.  Carter was prescribed Zantac and I saw an improvement immediately.  Each day he continues to show a significant improvement in reflux symptoms and is no longer having colic.  Sure, he cries at night, especially until he passes gas or poops, but he can be consoled!  He seems so much happier overall.  Happy baby = happy momma!


I'm not sharing our experience to say that medication is the answer for everything, but it was the answer for our situation.  Don't be afraid to follow your instincts.

Here's to one month!

Today my baby is one month old.  The adjusting to this thing called motherhood has been a relatively smooth transition due in large part to the amazing support I've had.  There has been some road bumps and hurdles (recurrent plugged ducts, mastitis, and daily episodes of colic to name a few), but the support of my parents and husband has allowed me to keep my sanity and not turn to a bottle of formula.  Which has been tempting, especially when my son howls in pain due to what we presume to be his discomfort of gas.  Seeing your child in discomfort and not being able to console them is the worst feeling...

Today was the first day that I had to take care of Carter by myself.  I definitely took for granted the help I received while my parents were in town.  Caring for an infant is a 24/7 job, especially when you're breastfeeding.  Formula fed babies tend to sleep for longer stretches of time than breastfed babies because breast milk is digested quicker then formula.  This is not a plug for one means of feeding a baby over another or discounting one's decision to care for their child.  I'm purely just stating facts.  My day literally consisted of: try to figure out how to walk the dog with an infant (Rocky has to do his business too) and feed, change, and console infant on repeat.  Plus I had to find time to eat.  Can I just say that I don't make the best food choices when I'm priced for time... something to acknowledge and work on.  There was no time in my day for anything else and that includes doing dishes, laundry, tiding up, or making dinner, which brings me back to the subject of support.  I truly don't think I could have made it through this last month with my sanity, a fed belly, and a somewhat of put together house if I hadn't had the extra support.  My parents took care of everything including walking and feeding my dog, the dishes, grocery shopping, making meals, cleaning, and laundry to name a few.  These may seem like small tasks, but are so incredibly helpful as all I had to do was focus on myself and Carter.  I sure got spoiled having my parents here and boy do I miss them! 

All the help I received got me thinking.  I would say that if you know somebody who has had a new baby volunteer to go to their house and help them out in some way.  And by helping them out, I don't mean going to visit for the sole means of seeing / holding the baby.  That is not helpful.  Instead, offer to vacuum, do a load of laundry or the dishes, run an errand, or bring a meal...  Don't go to see the baby and expect to be catered on.  New parents have enough on their plate and should not be playing hostess with the mostess.  Also don't overstay your welcome.  New parents get no sleep and naps during the day are important.  Unless you are coming to do something helpful, like I previously noted above, don't stay for more than an hour.  It's exhausting and I'm convinced, especially in my case, that it turns my child into a devil since he can't get the rest during the day that he needs and becomes extremely fussy.

But let's end this on a positive note.  No matter how hard this transition has been or the moments I feel like I can't figure it out, I keep going because I love being a mom.  I truly feel that being Carter's mom is the reason I was meant to be here.  I love cuddling and kissing him and the bond I get when feeding him.  I love his smell and the way he looks so serene when he sleeps.  I love his big, blue eyes and his little lips.  And when he looks at me or caresses me during feedings I melt. 

This is love.  I feel so honored that I was chosen to be Carter's mother.  I am beyond blessed and will do everything in my power to teach him to do right, love him, support him, and give him the best life I can. 

Thoughts on being a new mom

As I sit here next to my son resting comfortably I wanted to share some of the thoughts I have had over the last week as I've transitioned into a new title: mom.  I can't believe that I delivered this little one a week ago and my world has forever changed for the best.  I've never felt this kind of love and it is all consuming.  I mean look at him, he's my version of perfection.

Our newest addition

I've had a lot of different thoughts and insights over this last week, some that I feel are important to share for other new mom's and mom's to be.

1. Get a breast pump... well get one in the event that you plan to breastfeed.  If you have no intention of giving your baby breast milk then this does not apply to you and you can skip the rest of this thought.  I, however, plan to exclusively breast feed my son for 6 months.  And for those of you who don't know breast pumps are covered under insurance.  I paid nada for a hospital grade breast pump and we all know that I LOVE free stuff!  The breast pump has helped me for a number of reasons.  First off my nipples became ridiculously sore around day 2 or 3 for a number of reasons: latch issues, frequent feedings (my baby gets hangry like his daddy), our anatomies, etc.  The first day I came home from the hospital I cringed at the idea of feeding him due to severe nipple pain.  In fact I was ready to give up on breast feeding and give him a bottle of formula.  Pumping, however, saved me not only on that night, but whenever I feel that my nipples need a break.  Plus, my husband gets a chance to feed our son.  My husband loves this and I love that they get to bond.  Also it is nice to have the husband take a night feeding so I can get a little chunk of sleep.  Which leads us to...

2. Nap when you can... because you will be tired, real tired.  Tired to the point that time distorts and you have no idea what the beep is going on.  I hear it gets better, but I'll let you know.  Last night was a great night, but I don't want to get excited too soon. 

3. Invest in nipple cream, newborn bottles, and a good breastfeeding pillow.  Once again this only applies if you plan to breastfeed.  Seriously put these things on your registry because:

• Your nipples will get sore and you will be thankful for nipple cream to help prevent cracked nipples.  I use nipple cream after every feed or pumping session and my nipples are in good shape... not that you needed to know that.  
• Why newborn bottles?  Because if you are like me and need to pump every now and then you will need a way to feed your son.  If you have the bottles on hand just in case, your poor partner won't have to venture out to find bottles in the middle of the night.  That would suck...
• Breastfeeding is hard and I highly recommend getting as comfortable as you can.  Comfortable mommy = better milk production for your little one and that is my goal.  I want my son to grow up to be strong like bull and in my opinion breast milk helps on many levels, but that is another discussion for another day.  The breastfeeding pillow has allowed me to feed with more comfort and I like to think my son loves it.  After all I would love to be able to lay on soft foam as someone feeds me liquid gold.  Just saying.

He gets milk drunk

3. Adult diapers.  Yes, adult diapers.  The crazy mesh underwear and pads that you are given in the hospital are totally uncomfortable and irritated my laceration.  Plus, I leaked right through them.  Nothing like having a big blood stain on your ass and not knowing it until after you had walked down the postpartum hall a few times to stretch your legs.  Sexy right?  Enter adult diapers.  Someone had told me to purchase adult diapers and I love them because they are more comfortable, less irritating, and capture all the lochia neatly. And no blood leakage on my new nursing pajamas! 

4. Gas drops.  My poor baby gets terrible gas pain that makes him howl for hours.  I tried to sit outside with him during one gas fit and had to go back inside because I was afraid my neighbors would think I was torturing my poor son.  My pediatric Nurse Practitioner reassured me that gas in developmental in newborns and that the gas drops are fine for my son to take.  Do they work?  Sometimes.  And sometimes is better than never so I use them every time little man gets a bottle.

5. Go outside.  I would also recommend double checking with your pediatrician office before doing this.  I got the green light to go on walks with my son in the neighborhood since the weather is nice, but was strongly discouraged from bringing him to crowded, public places (grocery store, Starbucks, etc.) until he is 2 months old.  Getting some fresh air is amazing and the walking helps with my nervous energy.  Plus an added bonus is baby boy tends to fall asleep after a loop around the block.

6. Take advantage of help.  Don't try to do it all even if you want to and think you can do it better than EVERYONE else.  It's hard for one person to take care of an infant 24/7.  I need breaks so I can sleep or pump or even take a shower.  I know that eventually I won't have any help so I'm extremely grateful for it now because this transition is difficult (but very, very worth it!). 

7. Don't forget to eat and drink.  Having a baby is a lot of work, both physically and emotionally.  By the time you're done feeding / pumping, cleaning up, changing baby, and putting baby down you close your eyes for one second and it's time for his next feed.  Sometimes I feel like a dairy cow... Don't neglect yourself.  You need tons of water to help with milk supply and nutrition to keep you going.

8. You may still look pregnant after the baby.  Maybe some of you bounce right back, but I still looked pregnant after giving birth.  Even though I know better, I thought that in some crazy universe I would push out my son and have a flat stomach again.  Nope.  So please if you see a mother holding a small baby DON'T ask her if she is expecting or say, "wow, Irish twins."  It takes 10 months to put the weight on, so clearly it will take time to loose the baby weight.  One day at a time.

9. Don't forget your fur babies.  Having a new baby is a hard transition for your fur babies too.  Make sure to show them love too.  I sometimes get caught up in the new baby, but I try to make an effort to give Rocky some love too whether it is an extra treat here and there or giving him a little one on one cuddle session.  And we always invite him to lie with us when feeding or resting.

Best friends already

10. Take lots of pictures. I was already crazy obsessed with my dog, but now the focus has shifted to babe.  Each day he looks completely different and I want to capture every moment I can because before you know it he won't be my little baby anymore.  Plus I'm obsessed and like to show him off.

My heart <3