Newborn Weight Gain

Today was a big day for me.  I weighed little man Luke and he is up to 8 pounds.  That is more than the suggested ounce of weight gain a day.  This is huge considering Carter's weight gain issues!  But looking back I had a number of issues that, when combined, made the situation worse.   Carter had silent reflux that went undiagnosed for weeks (and yes, I suspected he had reflux and brought it up on multiple visits to the pediatrician). The puking while he slept didn't help with the weight gain, which he needed because he had lost more than 10% of his birth weight early on (probably because he puked every time he was flat on his back).  I was told that I was possibly not producing enough and I needed to supplement with formula.  I saw a lactation consultant so I know I was producing enough thanks to weighted feeds, but the more people told me I was wrong, I wasn't producing enough, or my baby was so skinny he needed formula, the more I began to doubt myself.  I began excessively pumping in addition to breastfeeding to ensure I had enough breast milk for Carter (bad advice again), which lead to oversupply and frequent bouts of mastitis and plugged ducts.  Breastfeeding became painful.  Everything took an emotional toll on me and then my supply began to suffer.  I could go on and on, but I'll digress because despite all the road blocks, I was still able to nurse Carter for 7 months.  And guess what, he was still long and lean (low weight percentile) despite transitioning to formula and then solids and formula.  So surprise, surprise... formula was not the answer.  Today if you were to look at him he looks long and lean, but is solid (90% percentile for weight).  And frankly he is my perfect boy.  While I wish I had known what I know now, and had the confidence in myself and my abilities as a mother, the whole situation taught me a lot.  This time around I won't let others make me think that my body can't produce enough to feed my son what he needs.  And I will trust my gut through and through.  I'm excited for this new adventure with Luke and hope to continue to have breastfeeding success.

A kind reminder

It takes a lot to bother me.  But the other day someone said something to me that is still bothering me.  Maybe because it was an unsolicited comment.  Or maybe because I'm 22 weeks pregnant and my body is changing beyond my control to nurture another life.  Regardless, I'm not writing about this for sympathy or to be complimented.  At this point the damage has been done.  I'm writing this as a reminder that our words have an affect on others and to be mindful of not just what we say to another, but how we say it as well.  

So what was said to me?  Short version.  I was minding my business faxing an important document.  I hear someone say, "wow, your thighs."  I pay no attention because I don't think the words are directed at me.  Then I hear it again and hear, "your thighs have gotten large."  I turn around to look at the person talking and realize that the comments are directed at me.  I then proceed to hear again and again how large my thighs have gotten and that I'm gaining too much weight.  

You get the point.  

I didn't respond how I wish I had responded.  Instead I tried to justify that I've always had large, muscular legs from my days of playing soccer.  I shouldn't have had to "justify" anything.  I shouldn't have had to hear unsolicited comments about my body, especially during a time when I'm growing a child.  It's hard enough for me to see my body change out of my control, and yes I know it is for a good cause, but to hear someone come after me and break me down is really not acceptable.  Maybe she thought she was doing me a favor?  Maybe she thought we were "cool" enough for her to give me her opinion on my body.  Unfortunately that relationship will now be over and I will limit all unessential contact with that person.  And now I'm the one that is still days later feeling horrible about myself.    

If you take nothing else from this just remember that words can hurt.  We don't always know what someone is going through or has gone through until we have walked a mile in their shoes.  And one of the oldest lessons we learned (or should have learned) is that if you don't have anything nice (or as I view it positive, uplifting, useful, constructive...) to say, don't say anything at all.  

Mondays

Last week I did not eat as healthy as I would like, so of course I didn’t see the results that I would like to see.  I weighed myself this morning and I am back to the exact weight that I started out at. Funnnn....

I can fully admit that I have an unhealthy relationship with food, and my body for that matter, but both have gotten far better than they once were.  I'm a work in progress and that's ok.

Reflecting back on last week, but especially yesterday I see that I have a very hard time with mindful eating. I eat too fast, which is one problem. How do you enjoy what you are consuming when you are shoveling food into your mouth?  But I also don’t stop when I’m full. That is the goal I want to work on this week, mindfulness.  Stopping when I’m full and allowing my body to tell me it’s needs. It’s so funny to watch my son start to eat solids. He takes bite after bite after bite in no rush. And hear I am looking at my 9 month old and wanting to be more like him.  Someone who is less in her head and more mindful and aware in the moment.  Thank you for the lesson my son.

I like Mondays.  They are my acknowledgement of a new week and a chance for self improvement. I could easily beat myself up for the things I did "wrong."  We all have a choice.  You can maintain negativity, self doubt,and self criticism.  Or you can approach everything from the perspective of a learning experience on your path to self growth and discovery while practice positivity.  I choose the later.

Weekly Goals:

• To workout every day at work during lunch
• To take my time to eat
• To work on being mindful
• To be more present in the moment