Mondays

Last week I did not eat as healthy as I would like, so of course I didn’t see the results that I would like to see.  I weighed myself this morning and I am back to the exact weight that I started out at. Funnnn....

I can fully admit that I have an unhealthy relationship with food, and my body for that matter, but both have gotten far better than they once were.  I'm a work in progress and that's ok.

Reflecting back on last week, but especially yesterday I see that I have a very hard time with mindful eating. I eat too fast, which is one problem. How do you enjoy what you are consuming when you are shoveling food into your mouth?  But I also don’t stop when I’m full. That is the goal I want to work on this week, mindfulness.  Stopping when I’m full and allowing my body to tell me it’s needs. It’s so funny to watch my son start to eat solids. He takes bite after bite after bite in no rush. And hear I am looking at my 9 month old and wanting to be more like him.  Someone who is less in her head and more mindful and aware in the moment.  Thank you for the lesson my son.

I like Mondays.  They are my acknowledgement of a new week and a chance for self improvement. I could easily beat myself up for the things I did "wrong."  We all have a choice.  You can maintain negativity, self doubt,and self criticism.  Or you can approach everything from the perspective of a learning experience on your path to self growth and discovery while practice positivity.  I choose the later.

Weekly Goals:

• To workout every day at work during lunch
• To take my time to eat
• To work on being mindful
• To be more present in the moment

1 week down, the rest of my life to go!

So yesterday marked one week.  No pictures to post today, because change takes time.  Last week was an experiment.  I'm the type of person who does all or nothing, which can be hard because when I feel like I've failed I tend to say f-it and just eat whatever, without control, and with later regret.  From Wednesday night through Friday I just gave in to nightly craving.  Why is it so hard to maintain control at night?  Friday night I ate Domino's and it made me feel horrible for the rest of the night and all day Saturday.  As a result I woke up Saturday with determination.  I focused on eating protein, protein, and more protein and felt much better Sunday.  Yesterday I tried to focus on protein, but add in some veggies, because home girl feels plugged up.  Not sure if it is from all the crap I ate Wednesday through Friday, the high protein and low carb diet Saturday and Sunday, or a combination of both, but I don't like feeling this way.  I'm on the search to find some happy medium.  It's all about balance and moderation.

Today is Monday and a new week with new goals.  My goals are:

• To continue eating high protein
• To limit processed carbs as much as possible
• To eat more vegetables
• And to track my water intake to make sure I'm drinking at least 8 glasses (Something tells me I've been consuming more caffeine and less water)

I'm feeling positive about this week because my husband is willing to eat low carb with me for dinners and I have some fun meals planned.  Plus, I weighed myself today and despite not feeling like I did my best (I'm terribly hard on myself if you couldn't tell) I'm down 1.1 lbs!  Here is to week 2! *raises water bottle and chugs, chugs, chugs*

Let the journey begin

I normally would never do something like this, but I feel like I need to be open for accountability.  I've been trying to get back to my pre-mom body since my son was born, or at least around the 8-12 week mark, and while I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight, maybe even a few pounds less, everything just looks different from the me I remember.  By no means am I overweight, but I guess by today's standards one could argue a whole bunch of things about my body, but that's not my point or the direction I want to go with this post.  I'm working on making me happier with me and more comfortable in my own skin.  My body has changed a lot in the last few years, but the biggest and hardest change for me was when I was diagnosed with PCOS a few years ago.  I stopped taking birth control in an attempt to get pregnant and at first everything was fine, but then my period just got longer, and longer, and eventually stopped coming.  And somewhere during that time I started putting on weight especially around my midsection and found it extremely hard, no matter how much I dieted to lose the weight.  It really hurt my self esteem.  I saw my OBGYN and was diagnosed by ultrasound and blood work with PCOS with insulin resistance, which was confirmed by a Endocrinologist.  I went on Metformin to get a period and control the pre-diabetes and it only did the later.  If you are wondering Metformin did not make me lose any weight.  

Fast forward to today.  My son is almost 9 months old!  I can't believe.  Time goes by so fast.  I'm still fixated on my stomach and those damn love handles.  However, while I blamed them on PCOS in the past my recent blood work was normal.  Go f-ing figure.  I did try going back on Metformin, but this time could not deal with the stomach bloating and constant feeling of nausea.  I last almost 2 weeks on it, but had to stop taking it a few days ago and already feel so much better!  Luckily for me since I've been tracking what I eat I was able to analyze what I believe I'm doing wrong.  Scratch that... what I believe I could be doing better.  (I'm channelling that positivity yo!)  I've definitely changed how I exercise and frankly do a lot less of it than I did in my 20s, but my diet could definitely be improved and that is going to be my focus.  And today is the day.  Today is the day I start take steps in the direction I want.  

Exercise

Getting exercise in has been a challenge.  I went through a phase where I got up at 5 am to work out, but it's hard and I like... no, need... no, like and need sleep so my option becomes exercising at night or going on walks at lunch (I do that often).  And while I could go workout right after work and leave my son longer at daycare, I don't even consider that an option.  I get so little time with him during the day that those few hours we get together before he goes to bed are really important to me.  I need time with him and I'm not willing to sacrifice that at this point.  And I also have a dog who deserves more than being put in the backyard to do his business.  So my exercise generally involves going for a mile or 2 walk with both my boys (yes fur baby and human baby).  Lucky for me my baby is entertained by being outside so this is my main exercise these days.   Working out at home can be more of a challenge, however, I do find that if I can get in about 20 minutes of home exercise when Carter is in his walker with some toys.  

Plus we get to spend some time together and he often thinks me trying to get in shape is hilarious.  You're welcome kid!   

I truly believe that every little thing you do during the day adds up so if I can only do 10 minutes here or 20 minutes there I'm happy.  I did something and something is better than nothing.   

Diet

This is sitting on my counter right now:

I love dessert.  LOVE.  I'm pretty sure I asked my husband last night why cupcakes can't make me skinny.  Seriously, why can't they.  They're just so good.  And I'm so addicted.  I eat dessert every single night.  That's one thing I want to work on.  

Counting calories hasn’t been working for me in terms of changing how my tummy looks.  Everything I've read says:

     1. Cut the sugar (I'm trying!)

     2. Watch the carbs (but carbs make me happy!!)

     3. Stop eating 2 hour before bed (but how else will I stay awake?)

     4. Eat more protein

My goal for this week is to try this low carb thing.  Not sure if I can do Keto style low-carb. Let me rephrase that: I have absolutely no desire to do that.  I need some carbs and being extremely restrictive has never worked for me.  I haven't really decided what version of low carb I want to do in terms of macros other than trying to reduce sugar and sweets in my diet while eating more vegetables.  I'm about sensibility and moderation.  Also, my goal is to eat more protein.  The other day I read that you should eat the number of grams in protein as your desired goal weight.  120 grams of protein seems like a lot of protein, but I'm going to trust my research on this one and reevaluate my short term goals in one week. 

So stick with me as I document this journey and please be nice, because it is not easy to put yourself out there.